May 22

Things have been going along quite smoothly. I feel like we are a couple again.

Although, since the last post, one of my knees [left one] has really hit the skids and I've been quite immobile. It hurts all the time but I've been trying really hard not to complain any more than i have to.

I had X-rays and i have arthritis in both knees and my left ankle, and a huge spur on my left heel. I'm surprised i can do anything! But i'm doing OK - hobbling along. I have a stationary bike that is a sitting one [like one of those green thing bikes], i dunno what its called. I've been using that to strengthen my leg muscles and support my knees better. Way to long coming. 

I asked John one night if i had become a burden, even in the slightest. He said not at all and i believe he is being sincere. 

If i were to be brutally honest, if the roles were reversed, i dunno if i'd be so lovely. I feel really shallow admitting that, but its honest, and something to work on

Overall, things are going nicely. I find that keeping the light hearted banter up, helps both of our hearts :)

May 11

Oh gee. my posts are getting further apart! I think about what i am going to say here a bit though.
Things have.... been plodding. I am struggling to keep a brave face. John annoys me, i've made that clear on here. But i'm trying to curb my reactions in every day situations. John and i have a great banter relationship. We can 'attack' each other with silly things that wont be taken personally. So i can tell him truths that he thinks is silliness. It makes it easier to make really annoying things, lighter. I'm grateful for that.
John has put on even more weight, and is very down right now. He is still lighter than me, but i dont know how to make him feel better. I just offer little solutions right now, like not eating the house out after drinking. Thats a good start.

I'd say we are not getting any closer sexually, but i think we are. Innuendos and jokes etc... I think it would only take one of us to make the first move. But we are like strangers when it comes to that moment. Which is silly, after 15 years of marriage. But it is what it is i guess.

I visited a friend this week, who suggested that i had it all. A wonderful marriage, kids, pets, life. While i took in what she she said, and was amused by the facade that was obviously presented for all to see, I saw her point. I have a lovely husband who would lay down his very life for me. Together, we have 3 wonderful children, who bless us every day. Upon reflection, i do have it good - very good! It made me think a lot about my own attitude & way of thinking.

I found out this week that i have arthritis in both knees and me left ankle. My body is finally rebelling after 20+ years of weight abuse. Even though i am having gastric bypass surgery at Christmas, i'm going to HAVE to find ways to relieve pressure now. My body seems to be falling apart, and all at once. I don't know how deteriorated i'll be by Christmas, so i have to do something - anything - now!