Yesterday i sat John down and asked how it got to this? We decided that neither of our standards were very high in the other. We didn't expect anything other than what we were. But because of each of ours mental state, as one slipped on something [I.E dressing nicely, or taking care of the house], it kinda gave permission for the other to slip a tad lower.
I want to change things, John wants to want to. I'm going to have to carry him for a while.
He is negative and somewhat draining. I don't think I've done him any favors by thinking i'm being a good wife and listening to his moans and woes when in excess. SO, I've decided to try and make light of things. Banter with him a bit. I'll have to pick wisely what i banter about, because some things really matter - like if he's had a crap day at work and needs to vent. But i guess i could listen, nod in all the right places, then when he's finished, make a lighthearted comment.
He complains about feeling sick ALL the time. It's always one thing or another. It drives me nuts! I'm going to have to work on dealing with that with some kind of humor. Just not sure how yet. It's hard to appear jovial when you're actually annoyed.
He made comments about my clutter, and the fact that i laugh it off. He doesn't want to seem pushy by complaining about the clutter. I think he thinks its a battle best left, as he knows i struggle with it. But he hates it. He doesn't want people to come to the house, and rightfully so, really.
I don't know how to deal with clutter. Even as a child i was a clutter bug. I can't throw useful stuff out. I had a clean out once, then needed some of it. I think of that whenever i think of throwing things out.
I laugh it all off and make light of it. But really, its a problem & we both feel it. I think it may even compound his depression as well as mine. So i'm going to make a REAL effort to chuck stuff. I have been listing things to sell and give away on some local facebook trading pages. Thats a bit slow though. I'll work it out.
If we have bills we cant pay, John just sticks his head in the sand and pretends its not happening [compounding the depression further]. I kinda stick my head in the sand about him sticking his head in the sand, coz it means more drinking dates :o/ I'm encouraging him to call the people we owe. I don't want to nag. Neither does he and that's half our problem. Sometimes a good nag is needed! And responding to it is needed too. for 2 days I've been trying to get him to call our mortgage people.
I'm trying to show more affection, and so is he :o)
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