A bit has happened since my last post. John was a little excited about having a yummy lunch made for him. That was cute.
He told us he was planning a surprise family day last weekend. I was really impressed by that! BUT we didnt do it. The plan was to take us to a river/cave area and have a BBQ lunch. But it was the Easter weekend - and in Australia, that's when people get their last camping trip in before the cold hits. I told him we'd have to leave early, to get there for a 10am brunch, just to secure a BBQ.... Then we slept in. I told him it was a super lovely idea that i appreciated [and i did/do. More than he can know!] But let's stay home rather than rush and more than likely miss out, and have a nice BBQ at home. He liked that idea... phew.
We have had the biggest argument we've ever had. He insinuated that i just sat around eating crap all day, despite the fact that i spend most days with him.. A combination of me knowing that i'm really trying to make home better for him, and moving more to feel better - hurt and anger all brewed up and i went mad. Even throwing my drink at him, something i've never done or wanted to. He back pedaled but mostly i calmed down because i told myself it didn't matter what he thinks. I know the truth of what i do/eat each day. If he doesn't notice the changes in me or my habits, i cant do anything about that.
I need my marriage to work, and i accept that it\s me making the changes as a whole. I need to focus on that and keep accepting it for now.
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