John hadn't had a drink since we talked on that day about how we got like this - until last night.
Maybe he didn't realise how badly drinking effected his health until he verbalized it to me.
I have cut back. Since starting this blog, i've drank 3 nights, and 2 of them were only a few. I thought i was doing really good. But then yesterday, John had a crack at me about still drinking..... I didnt say i was going to quit, just because he was. As with any habit, you have to be in the right head space. As i pointed out to him, he quit smoking about 5-6 years after i did [maybe longer]. Because he had to be in the right place, mentally. And that was 50 a day, not 4-8 every few days. But i did agree to only drink when he's on night shift, to make it easier. That's fair.
We went to the movies and then to the park for a picnic together. That was nice. We had banter and silliness. And for a moment, it was perfect.
Then he came home and opened a letter from a solicitor, saying we were $3.000 behind on the mortgage - pay it by May or get out. I don't know how the heck it got to that far behind, but i guess that's the cost of having sand in your hair! I dunno what we are going to do. but we always pull through somehow.
I have been making a REAL attempt with the clutter. Chucking stuff, selling stuff, tidying stuff. I have a lot of stuff. Important stuff about nothing in particular. Stuff that doesn't have a place. Like spare pillows of a set, or newspaper keepsakes of 9/11, toys i know the kids will want to play with again one day, like Lego. I wish so much that i was savvy with this stuff!
I think it's an A.D.D problem too. I like textures and visual things. I find it hard to throw those things out too. In fact, i have a few things that have no use what so ever to me, but i keep them because i really enjoy how they look or feel. The thought of giving up those things isnt appealing at all, but they dont have a place.
Well we might be living under a bridge soon, so we wont have any clutter to worry about!
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